Cov Love

For some reason yesterday I was feeling really Friday-y. You know, like yay let's go out and eat something delish and drink some form of cocktails! I typically don't feel like that because I always have to work the next morn anyway so it's like what's the freaking point? But yesterday was different and Stevie V was behaving quite like Henry the dog like-LET'S GO OUT. LET'S GO OUT IMMEDIATELY. NOW NOW NOW ARE YOU HOME YET LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO. So we headed out to the village. I was already as happy as a clam because the weather was just so. I had so much fun. I laughed a lot and I was gifted with kind words from different acquaintances. The kind of stuff that makes your heart glow a little. I like to hear different people's opinions on this and on that. Plus, everyone always brings their dogs and I may or may not have an (annoying?) obsession with canines. Don't get me wrong, once the clock strikes whatever it gets really crowded and ew gross college kids and stuff. That is not the part I enjoy. What makes me happy is kicking around leaves in a cute town filled with good folks with not a worry in the world besides deciding where I want to eat. I'm in love with that village and all the people in it!

I Feel Like Blues & Cuss Words

The majority of my adult life has been pretty carefree and happy I think. One time I thought I had some kind of undiscovered disease that was the exact opposite of depression because I was so happy all the time. Well, lately life has been the pits! The absolute pits! There I’ve said it. I’m not happy and I don’t like that. And when does it pass and when do things get better and when can I have the happy disease again? Meh. Sometimes I feel like what didn't kill me never made me any stronger at all. Please feel free to leave a knock-knock joke in the comments below.

An Open Letter to the Assholes of Covington

First of all, put your shirt on when I'm talking to you. Quit throwing garbage in my yard WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? One of the 1st lessons learned at mother's knee is "don't be a litterbug, be a jitterbug & dance to your nearest garbage can". Right? Right, Asshole? Why, Assholes of Covington, is your bass up so high that it makes my walls shake? I think you are ridiculous. Assholes of Covington: don't whistle, honk, or yell perverted things at me when I'm cutting my grass. Especially if your bass is so loud that the ground is shaking. Because I am many things (sweaty, wishing I was inside eating a hamburger, bleeding from my shin), but horny isn't one of them. Just stop it. You are gross. Stop revving your motorcycles. It's a no wake zone, whatever that means. Finally, as always, don't light your children on fire. Love, Skipper

Good Date- About Freaking Time

I went on another date and it was soosososososoosoooooooosoos oso oososooso SO fun. I know I said I wouldn't talk about dating anymore, but, I knew I was lying when I said that. This'll be the last time. Really. (It won't be) I know the guy and we'd hung out a few times, but, I haven't seen him in 5 years. I remember the last time I saw him I looked at him at thought "This is a really nice guy. Too nice for me". Five years ago, a relationship was the last thing I wanted. Five years ago I was immature and only wanted to run around with my friends and being in a committed relationship sounded miserable and exhausting. I liked him, but,I felt like he was too good for me. I've done a lot of growing since then and I've been trying really hard to be a better person. I'm doing great at it I think! Now I feel like I absolutely do deserve a nice person. So..anyways...I got ready early, which has not ever happened before, so I was just sitting there waiting staring at my little brother, who was chillin' on the couch obnoxiously calm and relaxed. I've never been so nervous in my life. I got a text from Date that said, "I'm here". I thought that was weird and that he wanted me to go out to the car or something so I swung open the front door and BOOM! There he was. And I screamed and flung my arms about because he startled the hell out of me. Apparently my doorbell is broken and I didn't hear it ring. He was SO handsome! You guys! He opened the car doors for me. I have a theory that it is impossible for a date to go badly if they open the car door for you. It tells me that he is a man and is not afraid to behave like one and that is incredibly attractive to me. We went to schmancy din and the waitress had to come back like 4 times to take our order because we accidentally kept talking. The food was absolutely delicious and it was just the best first date ever! Hopefully there is a date #2. We will see I guess.

Online Dating = LOLZ

A few things first & foremost- 1.) I've missed you darling, gorgeous, & handsome readers. When I run into someone and they tell me they read this or say I'm a good writer or ask about an update or whatever it really makes me happy. Like so happy! 1 & 1/2.) I'm going to tell you about this date I went on and then I swear I'll stop talking about my dating life on the world wide web and fb and stuff. After this. Because that's rude if the fellows have actual potential. And I know for a fact I have some dates with respectable guys coming up. But mum's the word on that so never you mind! 2.) TRex-er ran into my ex yesterday and he was with the girl that he always cheated on me with (or..does he cheat on her with me and I just didn't know? or was it a double relationship at the same time.....? or lolzozlzololz, we will never know- I'm just glad I'm out of it!). At first, I was like whoa & wowie zowie getting that confirmation of their relationship and then common sense almost instantly prevailed and I just felt relief that my hands are permanently washed of that situation and I wish them the best or whatever I guess. Good luck you two crazy kids! 3.) No more online dating. I'm going to stop online dating and only date guys I have reliable positive intel on. haha- intel. Okay, so Ima tell you everything. Sit down, make yourself a nice glass of tea. If you are in a loving and committed relationship, run and go find that person and give them a hug and a kiss and make them a nice dinner or something as appreciation for not having to deal with what I'm about to recount to you. So, I met this guy online and he seemed like the first normal person on there. He likes zip-lining! He's a "Golf Pro"! He's never been married and has no kids and talked normal when he messaged me. Why NOT let him buy me a drink I says to myself? "What's it gonna hurt!" I think. "Dating is fun!" I think. "I'm ready!" I think. Driving to the bar, I ask him to send me a selfie so I will recognize him quickly when I see him. So he does and I KNOW HIM. He used to be into me hard core when I was like 18-ish and I wasn't having it. So I call one of my bff's as I'm parking and we reason together that YOLO and it was a long time ago and I am certainly not the same person I was 16 years ago and a drink or 2 won't hurt. Well, it hurt! It did hurt! He did not look like his pics. He tells me I "used to be fatter, but of course I know that, right?" At some point I ask why his last relationship ended and he tells me it was because her teeth were jacked, she was bad in bed, and she had 2 cats. He lived with her for a year. So I'm getting to know him and he is terrible and it keeps getting worse. He kept calling the bartender Jeeves (like a butler reference)and was rude to them. He's racist. He said he went to a party at my apartment when we were teens back in the day & had to leave because it got "too dark in there" and I was like "huh?" and he said it was like 50-60% African American people and that made him uncomfortable. He kept trying to touch my upper leg and when I batted him away he would creepily tell me to "Relax". Oh God. I can still see his creepy face telling me to relax. He called me his girlfriend to the bartender. And when I looked at him like he was a nut bag he said, "I mean my girl" and gave me a big creepy smile and "my girl" is not any better! I excused myself and went to the bathroom to think. So I come back and said it's time for me to go and he fights me on that because it's only been 15-20 minutes but I fight back and prevail. The check sits in front of us and since it wasn't going to pay itself, I offered to pay to be polite and he was like OKAY. I shouldn't have done that because I'm like $40 shy of being able to pay all my bills this pay period, but, I did. Whatever. When we are outside the place he physically tried to pick me up. And I awkwardly shooed him off and he kept trying anyway. Like 3 times this person tries to lift me into the air. Why? Why God why? I pretty much run away and immediately receive a text about how much he enjoyed our time together "babe". 2 minutes later, another text says, "No response? UNACCEPTABLE". Then another, "Are you trying to get fired?" I just ignored the messages because that seemed the best route to go with this person and haven't heard anything since so that is that. Now go hug your loved ones and get them flowers and a nice back massage and really appreciate them will ya.

Pump the Breaks

Yesterday afternoon my pal and I went to Findlay Market and the World's Longest Yard Sale and then we bar-hopped in the village for a little bit. It was FUN! The day was picture-perfect and I was so happy to be out and about and not at work. The only thing missing was a pup. I need a pup. I did find a pup later, but, it belonged to a bum and he absolutely refused to hand him over. When we were driving from Over the Rhine to Covington I balanced my checkbook which prompted me to become dismayed and then, almost immediately, the Problem Solver inside of me took over and I came up with a very intelligent idea. I shouted, "I know!! I'm a girl so maybe a guy will buy me a drink!" Question: Do guys still do that? Because no one has ever bought me a drink that I can recall. Like even when I've gone on datey things a long time ago, my cousin bartender would force the guy to pay like, "I put it on your tab because you are a man and that's what you should do" while I shrugged a couple of innocent shoulders. My friend doubted me and was under the impression that any girl can and will get a drink bought for her and so I demonstrated my typical bar experience. The first bar we went to, the bartender came right up to me and asked me what I wanted. Should I have said, "Nothing yet, I'm waiting for someone to buy me a drink" and then stare at all the poor strangers expectantly? Walk up to folks and tell them how thirsty I am? (I wanted to do that so bad) The next bar was jam packed with people who were equally not interested in buying me anything. I have watched Sex and the City and those girls NEVER buy a drink. NEVER. Guys are constantly buying them drink after expensive drink. What is the problem?! Do people buy YOU drinks, darling reader? Anyhoo, obviously if someone is going to buy you a drink it will not be because you are LOOKING for them to. That is not how it works and it is actually very bizarre behavior, which tends to be the kind of behavior I gravitate toward. And then something dawned on me which is that I have been aggressively trying to date someone and fall in True Love. Like hard core. I can't help it, I am one of those poor people who are desperately and completely and totally in love with love. How is everyone NOT that way? I want love more than I want a pup and that is really saying something! I am legitimately getting old now and my asshole birthday is looming closeby in the shadows ready to pounce very soon so I've just been so crazy lately I think. Like dating web sites and hitting on everyone and shoving myself in everyone's face and then when/if they DO ask me out I have a nervous breakdown and say nonononoonono. So, basically behaving like a deranged lunatic. Why am I doing that? I need to stop doing that! I'm going through some things and some stuffs is why. I don't cry every day all day long any more but I do...sometimes...cry. And sometimes things remind me of him and it is painful. STILL. As much as I would like to, I can't rush Time The Great Healer. But I do know that I am getting better and that cheers me along. So this is my vow, dear diary. I'm going to calm the hell down and pump the breaks and delete dumb dating accounts and stop pestering people so much and just relax and when I am ready, if someone wants to I will let them buy me a drink.

The Betrayal at Camp Webb

Here's the thing about me-  I get really excited about dumb things.  I get freaking PUMPED and this is a problem because the majority of events in my life turn out to be crippling disappointments.  So when my older brother and sister went to Camp Webb and came back with stories (Fishing! Shooting guns! Archery! Swimming! Rowing! New friends!!!!), I couldn't wait to turn the appropriate age so I could go too.  And wait I did.  I waited 3 long years and and during that time I tried to talk my 2 good pals into going too.  One was just absolutely not going to budge about going and the other was like sure.  I would also spend my downtime at home with markers and big poster boards drawing different Camp Webb scenarios of Fun like me with a giant smile petting a baby deer, me with all my new best friends swimming in a lake, me in a rowboat with a big sunshine in the sky with my pal who agreed to go with the letters "BFF" written across the top of the page, etc.
Here's what happened in a nutshell- by the time I arrived to the bus that takes us to camp, my friend had made a new friend and cruelly rejected me as her pal at all.  Like this, "I don't want to be your friend anymore and this is my new best friend" and then they both put a couple of noses in the air and stomped off to sit together on the bus.  And you know what I did?  I cried.  I cried actually the entire time I was there.  And you know the best way to repel a bunch of little girls from being your friend or talking to you at all?  By crying.  So I was all alone and isolated the entire time and even though I've been fishing, shooting, swimming, and boating as long as I can remember I didn't win a single badge.  Wait a second, I did win archery but that's only because I was picturing my old pal's face as the bull's eye. 
So the moral of this story is don't ever ever ever ever go to camp, kids!
And, also, always make sure your friends aren't stupid.