Friday, September 6, 2013

An Open Letter to the Assholes of Covington

First of all, put your shirt on when I'm talking to you. Quit throwing garbage in my yard WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? One of the 1st lessons learned at mother's knee is "don't be a litterbug, be a jitterbug & dance to your nearest garbage can". Right? Right, Asshole? Why, Assholes of Covington, is your bass up so high that it makes my walls shake? I think you are ridiculous. Assholes of Covington: don't whistle, honk, or yell perverted things at me when I'm cutting my grass. Especially if your bass is so loud that the ground is shaking. Because I am many things (sweaty, wishing I was inside eating a hamburger, bleeding from my shin), but horny isn't one of them. Just stop it. You are gross. Stop revving your motorcycles. It's a no wake zone, whatever that means. Finally, as always, don't light your children on fire. Love, Skipper


  1. It is a good idea when you want people to listen, don't call them names. I think your mother may have mentioned that.

  2. Mothers know best. You should keep all that anger and all those bad words to yourself. You might want to take up Yoga. Shirtless people are people too and deserve to be spoken to with respect. If you are unable to do so, then at least dig a deep enough hole in your backyard to dispose of the shirtless body. You could purchase cement and turn it into a nice fish pond. You know: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade out of it... ~ Peace

    1. That is just socially incorrect.
      It is also immoral.

  3. Conflict resolution is not the bloggers strong suit. Perhaps the emotional maturity level was stunted due to childhood trauma. With proper treatment, improvements can be achieved but the blogger must first recognize there is an issue and have the willingness to commit to treatment. This would require an abandonment of the ego, which is an uphill battle for someone who is strongly egocentric and possibly narcissistic. The only other suggestion would be for the blogger to remain the same but transition into politics where they can more easily blend in with others who are like them.