Sunday, August 25, 2013
Online Dating = LOLZ
A few things first & foremost- 1.) I've missed you darling, gorgeous, & handsome readers. When I run into someone and they tell me they read this or say I'm a good writer or ask about an update or whatever it really makes me happy. Like so happy! 1 & 1/2.) I'm going to tell you about this date I went on and then I swear I'll stop talking about my dating life on the world wide web and fb and stuff. After this. Because that's rude if the fellows have actual potential. And I know for a fact I have some dates with respectable guys coming up. But mum's the word on that so never you mind! 2.) TRex-er ran into my ex yesterday and he was with the girl that he always cheated on me with (or..does he cheat on her with me and I just didn't know? or was it a double relationship at the same time.....? or lolzozlzololz, we will never know- I'm just glad I'm out of it!). At first, I was like whoa & wowie zowie getting that confirmation of their relationship and then common sense almost instantly prevailed and I just felt relief that my hands are permanently washed of that situation and I wish them the best or whatever I guess. Good luck you two crazy kids! 3.) No more online dating. I'm going to stop online dating and only date guys I have reliable positive intel on. haha- intel. Okay, so Ima tell you everything. Sit down, make yourself a nice glass of tea. If you are in a loving and committed relationship, run and go find that person and give them a hug and a kiss and make them a nice dinner or something as appreciation for not having to deal with what I'm about to recount to you. So, I met this guy online and he seemed like the first normal person on there. He likes zip-lining! He's a "Golf Pro"! He's never been married and has no kids and talked normal when he messaged me. Why NOT let him buy me a drink I says to myself? "What's it gonna hurt!" I think. "Dating is fun!" I think. "I'm ready!" I think. Driving to the bar, I ask him to send me a selfie so I will recognize him quickly when I see him. So he does and I KNOW HIM. He used to be into me hard core when I was like 18-ish and I wasn't having it. So I call one of my bff's as I'm parking and we reason together that YOLO and it was a long time ago and I am certainly not the same person I was 16 years ago and a drink or 2 won't hurt. Well, it hurt! It did hurt! He did not look like his pics. He tells me I "used to be fatter, but of course I know that, right?" At some point I ask why his last relationship ended and he tells me it was because her teeth were jacked, she was bad in bed, and she had 2 cats. He lived with her for a year. So I'm getting to know him and he is terrible and it keeps getting worse. He kept calling the bartender Jeeves (like a butler reference)and was rude to them. He's racist. He said he went to a party at my apartment when we were teens back in the day & had to leave because it got "too dark in there" and I was like "huh?" and he said it was like 50-60% African American people and that made him uncomfortable. He kept trying to touch my upper leg and when I batted him away he would creepily tell me to "Relax". Oh God. I can still see his creepy face telling me to relax. He called me his girlfriend to the bartender. And when I looked at him like he was a nut bag he said, "I mean my girl" and gave me a big creepy smile and "my girl" is not any better! I excused myself and went to the bathroom to think. So I come back and said it's time for me to go and he fights me on that because it's only been 15-20 minutes but I fight back and prevail. The check sits in front of us and since it wasn't going to pay itself, I offered to pay to be polite and he was like OKAY. I shouldn't have done that because I'm like $40 shy of being able to pay all my bills this pay period, but, I did. Whatever. When we are outside the place he physically tried to pick me up. And I awkwardly shooed him off and he kept trying anyway. Like 3 times this person tries to lift me into the air. Why? Why God why? I pretty much run away and immediately receive a text about how much he enjoyed our time together "babe". 2 minutes later, another text says, "No response? UNACCEPTABLE". Then another, "Are you trying to get fired?" I just ignored the messages because that seemed the best route to go with this person and haven't heard anything since so that is that. Now go hug your loved ones and get them flowers and a nice back massage and really appreciate them will ya.