Let Me Tell You Bout My Best Friend

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!
Sup.
Thanks for stopping by.  As soon as I post sumping (FYI: each Saturday) I always look at the views and they shoot up to like 60 new views within seconds of posting.  Isn't that cool?  I mean I know real blogs get thousands but, whatever, it makes me smilesy.
When I first got to my lapper this morning and started typing, it was awful because I hadn't had coffee yet and I was pissed off.  I considered writing about how my f-ing face looks exactly like one of those monster bad guys from The Hobbit.  Like the producer asked me to sit down and sit still for hours and they modeled the Goblin King (click here) after me or maybe took an exact plaster of my face or something. The underneath of his eyes were exactly what I looked at on my own face this morning in the reflection in the bathroom mirror.  Ew- Goblin King!   I thought and hastily packed on some bright pink lipstick.  Now I look like the Goblin King wearing bright pink lipstick.
But, I digress.  I'm here to talk about besties.  I just love some of my friends so much I want to pinch them and I include my sweet boyfran as one; a very special one.  I'm actually a really lucky Goblin King, come to think of it.  I can't wait for the warm weather so we can all go out and play.
Well, let me tell ya about Stevey V.  I met him....I dunno..I'm really bad at numbers (# Amnesia.  I swear it's A Thing and I have it) but it was years ago and we were basically instant best friends.  Ever met someone like that and isn't it cool?  I remember his eyes got big because I am a lot to take when I'm in full YAY PARTY mode.  But, Steve loves YAY PARTY modes.  Give him a few glasses of libation and watch him go.  You will cry your eyeballs out laughing.
We have the same sense of humor and we bounce off each other well.  Like I know I pick up funnies from him and re use them even if it's just an attitude.  Like how he has convinced me that everyone that lives in Latonia has neck tattoos.  Steve can be a butthole.  Like he says stuff where if you didn't know he was just joking you are like he is so mean!  He's just kiddin' guys and sometimes being mean to your bestie is totally fun.  It's a guy thing.  I grew up with Brother Bestie and stuff so I get it and I do it too.

** Eeeeep....A man just walked into the office with a neck tattoo!  **

Steve is very clever too.  Weirdly, he knows the answer to any question you might have no matter how obscure.  For example, you could ask him something like- What is the Axolotl's average life span?  Huh Steve? and he will know the answer to that.
Is Steve a robot?  I don't know.  It doesn't matter.
His heart is made of pure gold.  What I mean by that is, if needed, he will do anything for you.  I haven't met many people in my life who are so completely pure-intentioned.  He just wants everyone to be happy.  He wants to laugh and have fun and make you laugh.  If you become friends with him he is fiercely loyal.  He is altruistic and I aspire to be Steve-like in this respect. 

I want the best for Steve.  I want great things to happen to him and I know that they will.

Mushy-wushy! 

p.s. Steve, if you read this could you bring me some chicken salad to work thanks