I've got the blues. Or maybe the Mean Reds as Holly Golightly might say. I remember when I was around 25-ish and all of my friends would get that "quarter life crisis" thing. Like ahhhh what is my life and what do I want to do with it and blah blah. Everyone figured it out.
I feel sort of like that now. Like I look around at my life and I'm depressed and angry and I want so much more. It feels like I'm drowning and trying so hard every day to get my face above the water. But I never get anywhere and I'm tired of trying.
I hate that have to work 2 jobs. I hate that I'm alone. I hate that there's never any time. I hate that there are so many people in my life that I care about and I don't have enough time to see anyone with all the other shit I have to do. What I'm doing doesn't feel like living. It's struggling for air.
I can't do it, keep doing it, alone. And no one will hold my hand.