The Story of That One Awful Guy

It's story time! Gather 'round children and take a seat. Gonna talk about dating again. Surprise! This happened....I dunno...8 months ago or something. I call it The Story of That One Awful Guy. So, one evening I was chillun' on my couch, probably drinking a glass of wine and snuggling a cat and reading a book. You know, a typical Friday night. Minding my own business really! Innocently minding my own business, ignorant of impending doom. I received a message on Facebook from an old pal I used to work with like 13 years ago. A hot old pal that was cool, nice, and funny. He had been drinking and he had just experienced a bad break up and this topic happened to be my forte. We ended up chatting ALL NIGHT. The next morning he messaged me. He pretty much messaged me all the time, constantly. I liked that because the guy I was interested in right before him was sluggish with contact. He made excuses to see me that were "excuses", they were not "dates". Like, the first thing- he asked me to drive him to a wedding in Ohio. Later, we'd go to the bar and I paid for myself. I dunno, stuff like that. Which is fine, I guess, in the beginning. Especially because we were in a weird place like - are we friends or more-than-friends or what. He had JUST gotten out of a serious relationship so I was weary that I was a rebound thing. When I talked to him about that concern, I was left feeling..well, even more concerned. The "relationship" or whatever it was- was the weirdest one I'd ever been in. Sometimes we got along really well. ROMANCE! We slow danced at a bar once with the Love Light in our eyes. When we went out, he was 100% doting and focused on me. We were both really good cooks and we cooked each other dinner a lot. My best friend, Steve, adored him and seemed ready to welcome him into our little family. I really liked watching movies with him and snuggling and feeling a kind of electricity from doing that. Okay, all that stuff is not weird. The weird things were I never met any of his friends and we would fight like cats & dogs. It was insane. I've never dated anyone where the person pissed me off as much and as often. This romance was short-lived and I'd already been in more fights with him than my 10-year relationship. I don't like fighting and I don't want to fight all the time. I think a lot of the fighting probably stemmed from me questioning the status quo after awhile (few months). The not knowing thing got old. So I broached the subject and I was pissed off that I was even in a situation where I had to broach the subject. He said all the wrong things like "I didn't know you were looking for a relationship. I'm stunned." WHAT? He said he liked how things were and why must we have a title. And you know what? I can see where he was coming from. He just got out of like a 6 year relationship and he wasn't ready. The problem was that I did want a relationship. I didn't like the way his wishy washy-ness made me feel and I didn't want to feel that way any more so I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. That didn't go over well. He told me, "Thanks for saving me the trouble. No one wants a non baby maker". And then he called me worthless. I felt like I'd been punched in my stomach and simultaneously very relieved I'd ended things with this achilles' heel-attacking little baby bitch. That was a long time ago and I still make mistakes in the Romance Department. Because I'm a human being. But the point of this story is that I'm learning. I think.

Ella..ella..eh eh eh

My niece, Ella (I will be singing her name to the tune of Rihanna's Umbrella song for the rest of her life. It's fine. She'll love it.) was born last Friday. Just like I suggested she be since I was busy every other day with this and that. When I was driving to the hospital I got choked up twice. When your sister is giving birth, the feeling is greater than just the bland word "excitement". It's a wonderful feeling that I am unable to describe to you. I hurried up at work and finished the morning stats that needed to be complete and was out the door at 10 AM. She didn't come until 6PM though! I spent the day eating, gossiping, making best friends with the giddy family in the room next door, reading, laying out on benches in flower gardens outside watching people with oxygen masks bum cigs (silently judging and then scolding myself not to judge), shopping in the gift shop, telling my poor mother that there would be no grandson or daughter from me actually thankyouverymuch sorryboutthat. I told her about some of my adventures in failing at romance to give her some idea on why this topic should never be broached ever again. The content of my description was so horrifying that I could tell that my point had fully registered with her. A moron text me as I was explaining things to my mom. An idiot text me. Right then. The dumb idiot said, "Hey pal! What are you doing??" My dad didn't see the issue and I explained that what this text means, essentially- if you read between the lines- is "Hi,I am back with my ex.". My mum nodded in agreement and said, "The word 'pal' is ve-e-e-ry telling." My dad suggested I write back and ask what was with the 'pal', but, I didn't feel like it. Who really cares. Pops folded his arms and wisely summarized, "Ya live ya learn I guess". Dumb idiots are like buses and if I just squeeze my eyes shut and cross my fingers and wish very, very hard, another dumb idiot will come along every 15 minutes. When Ella FINALLY made her arrival, I held her and rocked her and she fell asleep in my arms and holding her was like an easy massage for my soul. Here is my new content little baby burrito.