So I've been doing a lot of thinking about my past dating experiences.
I suck at it! And I don't know why. Every single person I've ever been in a relationship long term has cheated on me (Except Cory. Thanks Cory!). Eight different loving, committed relationships. Eight different times I thought I was truly loved and adored and I did things like read "He's Just Not That Into You" on a plane and shake my head and chuckle to myself because obviously my boyfriend was faithfully devoted and showed zero of these god-awful warning signs. And when I got off the plane I found out - Stage Five Cheater.
One even wrote me a long, long, long letter about why it happened which basically boiled down to low self-esteem on his part.
But surely there has to be something wrong with me to keep dating guys with this very specific character defect over and over and over and over and over again. Surely? I mean, this doesn't happen to anyone else I know.
My friend T-Rex had the brilliant idea to google "why do I always date cheaters". The first article flat out told me I was no good in bed. That was rude, Google. The article wanted me to buy something to teach me how to be good in bed.
I'm not going to worry too much about that one.
Next we have:
Low self esteem - meh, sometimes but....not like dibilitating.
Poor judgement of character - No, I mean I am only friends with awesome people.
Denial - Maybe? What do you want me to do, snatch the phone out of the poor guy's hand and demand to know who he is texting and where he is at all times? That's no way to live, dammit.
And that's pretty much all I could find. I just don't want to do it again...ever. And I can't figure out how to make it stop.
I'm not depressed, I'm not wallowing in sorrow. I am seriously very much okay. I'm just trying to think logically about this.
I think I'm going to just try my best to be a better, nicer, sweeter, more thoughtful human being and just kind of go from there.
I know my friends are going to hate this post. Friends! Calm down, darling treasured friends. I'm only going to talk like this for a little while and then I'll be back to my normal ball of joy self who gets overly excited about mundane things like a sunny day.