When I was growing up I really hated Valentine's Day. I hated it because no boys liked me. Ever. From the period of Kindergarten to 10th grade, I never had a romance of any sort.
You know how when you were in grade school and someone was always "going out" with someone? Everyone switched around and it was never serious relationships obviously, but, no one ever ever ever asked me to "go out" with them. I don't know why, but, it translated to me that I was unattractive to the opposite sex. I think it permanently dented my self esteem in the looks department to be honest with you. God, I want to cry just thinking about it- WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?
I had a major crush on a boy named Joey Yaegle. In 6th grade we sat by each other and passed notes and cracked up laughing all day. I thought he was dreamy because he was really funny. Every Monday morning we would re hash what happened that weekend on Saturday Night Live. We were both really good at art and took a Saturday art class at school for fun. One time when we were in the class, where supervison was low, we broke into where the church wine was kept and glugged a little. We got along well is what I'm trying to say here.
So one day at the Saturday art class, he asked if he could talk to me over by the bulletin boards. This was a very private corner area you guys.
Warm adrenaline was pumping through my little 6th grade body. In my mind there were two options- he was going to kiss me (MY FIRST KISS) or he was going to "ask me out" (something that I had been coveting for years. Something that, in it's absence of occurring, was ever-so-slowly eating away at my self worth).
So, his face was pale and his entire body looked clammy and I vaguely remember thinking he looked very much like a vampire and he said something along the lines of - he was really nervous but he just had to know, if he asked out my friend Elaine, do I think she would say yes? He mumbled it so I wasn't quite sure I heard him correctly and then it sunk in with a thump. I remember looking at the dumb bulletin board and trying not to cry. I told him she would because of course she would. Any girl would go out with any boy for at least a day.
So when Valentine's Day came along year after year it would be depressing for me. My friends would give me the dark chocolates from their boyfriends that they didn't like (not to be nice, my friends were all horrible bitches. So, more like, to rub it in my face) and I became very bitter about the whole idea of dating. You are supposed to sit there at your desk and watch everyone with their presents and it sucks.
It wasn't a lone incident either. It was constant. I have lots of examples. I just now remembered one time I was hanging out with a girl named Melissa who lived by me and a boy named Robby came over and said, "Why are you hanging out with her? Where's Taa-a--a-aara?"
Blah. I'm no Tara, ok.
The thing I would like to tell any pre teen or teen who goes through something like this is:
1.) It's true that looks and what a dumb boy thinks of you are not an important thing in life. This was my mantra my entire life. And this is true, but, it means exactly NOTHING when you are sitting at your desk with zero presents and all the other girls are smiling from ear to ear and have soooo much chocolate they don't know whether to throw away or see if the ugly troll wants some.
So on to #2) Most importantly kiddos- a guy will always go after the lowest hanging fruit. Period. No matter what DNA you were born with. If you are a female and act/dress/behave like you are easily accessible, boys will flock.
3.) Don't be the lowest hanging fruit. The lowest hanging fruit is for dumb boys & do you really want to date a "dumb boy"? I think your time would be more wisely invested in finding some nice friends (not the horribly bitchy ones) and building good relationships with people who make you happy.
4.) You are not a victim in life. Be sad if something hurts your feelings, talk about it, write about it... and then let it go.
I know this post has been a pity party but now I am a really happy gal! I swear! I am dating a person who always makes me feel like I am the prettiest girl in the class. Not just on Valentine's Day, but, every day. Life has little bumps and things but they are character-building. Bring on Vday! I will probably paint my nails pink and wear something with hearts on it & I think that you should too!