Sunday, January 27, 2013

Old Wet Hen

Today when I was dying my hair I noticed 2 indented lines on my forehead.
Before I knew what was happening, my eyes filled up with tears.  Pretty soon I was end-of-the-world crying.  I still have a headache from the whole ordeal.
I felt sad and ashamed of being sad at the same time.  Shame because it seems like a vain thing to get upset about.  But it's not like I'm all 'Ahhh my beautiful face is flawed!'.  No, it's more 'Oh something to make me look less attractive than I already am'.  When you have wrinkles- you look old and that's final.
As a Known Spazz, I took it to another level and thought crazy shit like 'Now I can never get married!'.  Because those photos are forever and professional cameras are really good and if I ever have children I don't want them to page through the wedding album and wonder why their mum is a old RAISIN FACE.  (Because my imaginary offspring are judge-y jerks apparently)
I had a similar reaction to my first grey hair when I was twenty one years old.  I was in a public restroom and the lights were really bright and the mirror was the kind that leans forward imposing on you and demanding you have a look.  So I spotted it in the part of my hair and .... screamed.  I screamed out loud in a public restroom.
After taking a breather, I realize now all of it is overreaction.
I took a shower to wash out the hair dye and tried to think of a way to look at this positively.  And I thought, well I've had a bit of wrinkle about the knees for a while now from treadmill addiction.  When I think of those wrinkles about the knee I feel proud of all of the hard work I do for my health.  I remember being really sick in the hospital and falling down when I tried to walk from the bed to the bathroom.  I remember coming home and being determined to always, always, always run those legs.
Dramatic, I know, but the point is I've decided to be proud of the wrinkles that come about my face too.  This face has nuzzled babies like my little brother and all my nieces.  This face has laughed so much it's ridiculous.
So I'm going to be confident and cool about the aging process (I am going to be 40 before you blink an eye. It's fine.)
Besides, I slapped some coconut oil on it and turned down the lights and I can't even see it anymore!

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